About Controllers
My one regret about my mother and me is that we didn't get along well until my 50s, when I finally got enough nerve and good sense to tell her, lovingly, that I would no longer let her run my life. Wow! In my 50s! Wasn't I brave? Actually I won the Wimp of the Year Award many times before that day. In truth, it was the best thing that ever happened between us because we got along beautifully after that, with only a few slip-ups here and there. I began to appreciate and love her like I never had before.
Then I made a discovery. My husband informed me one day, lovingly, that I too was a controller. Heaven forbid! Oh, no! It couldn't be true! I had been trying so hard not to follow in those tracks. But, like me, he was encouraging it by wimping out on me. So we made a big decision: We would both work hard on making ours a partnership marriage. And it did get a lot better, after that.
I suspect that a lot of marriages may be floundering today because there's too much of the controlling climate going on behind every argument and not enough of the partnership stuff. And this doesn't just apply to marriage. Any relationship works better if both sides are heard, honored, and respected. Whoops! My daughter (who lives with me) just yelled at me about something: "You don't like what? Oh! Okay, honey, I heard you. We'll have to talk about that...".
Religiously,
Margaret
My one regret about my mother and me is that we didn't get along well until my 50s, when I finally got enough nerve and good sense to tell her, lovingly, that I would no longer let her run my life. Wow! In my 50s! Wasn't I brave? Actually I won the Wimp of the Year Award many times before that day. In truth, it was the best thing that ever happened between us because we got along beautifully after that, with only a few slip-ups here and there. I began to appreciate and love her like I never had before.
Then I made a discovery. My husband informed me one day, lovingly, that I too was a controller. Heaven forbid! Oh, no! It couldn't be true! I had been trying so hard not to follow in those tracks. But, like me, he was encouraging it by wimping out on me. So we made a big decision: We would both work hard on making ours a partnership marriage. And it did get a lot better, after that.
I suspect that a lot of marriages may be floundering today because there's too much of the controlling climate going on behind every argument and not enough of the partnership stuff. And this doesn't just apply to marriage. Any relationship works better if both sides are heard, honored, and respected. Whoops! My daughter (who lives with me) just yelled at me about something: "You don't like what? Oh! Okay, honey, I heard you. We'll have to talk about that...".
Religiously,
Margaret
