Have Kids That Won't Marry? Join the Club!
I ran into an old friend at the grocery store a few days ago. After the "Hellos" and "How are yas," I asked Julie about her older daughter. Julie was widowed a number of years ago, the same year as my youngest daughter, both still in their 20s. That creates real bonds between people.
"Oh, she's 22 now and working. She has two little ones."
I cringed. No mention of a husband or father. "Is she . . . married?" I asked hesitantly.
"No, but we're hoping."
This launched a lengthy conversation about unmarrieds with children and the parents--mostly mothers, I suspect--who wish their children who live together and have children would get married.
It seems to be a habit nowadays, to do half the job instead of the whole. As though the couple don't need marriage. It's not a requirement, I guess. They don't need a license to do the baby thing. They can move in together without a marriage license, too. But why do they want to? They've also got the whole process reversed. Whatever happened to the orderly wedding, then sex, then baby thing? I thought it was working pretty well. It did for my generation, for the most part. Their marriages have been lasting better then the newer kind have. The ones I know of have been reading pretty high on the Happiness Scale, as well.
Oh, yeah, I know it's hard to make a marriage work, but there are a lot of fringe benefits that go with it. Like becoming part of two families instead of one. This gives you somebody to talk to who understands when your partner becomes a beast to live with temporarily. There are legal benefits, too, like having an automatic replacement income and home to raise your family, if and when something bad happens to your spouse. Also I suspect, though I haven't been told, that people work harder to make their relationship work if they are committed to it by a marriage license.
What's hardest for me to understand is why they don't marry when the kids come along. Kids need to know whom they belong to. Really. It's no fun to say "My mom lives here and my dad lives there, at least I think that's who my dad is." They also need two parents when the Terrible Twos come along--though on second thought, it's probably the parents who need that the most.
Julie and I decided we ought to start a Mothers Who Are Trying to Get Their Unmarried Kids to Marry Club. I bet we'd have a huge membership. We could make up a list of Arguments to Use that Might Work and a second list of Arguments That Don't Work. We don't need a list of Arguments That Work because those kids have already graduated out. The best argument, of course, is that God ordained marriage and he wants people to do things that way, but that only works if your kids are committed church people, and those kind usually are ineligible or graduate out early.
How are things in your family? Do you have one or more unmarrieds that would qualify you? We can use all the ideas we can get.
A charter member,
Margaret
NOTE: Next week I am changing my post days from Mondays & Thursdays to Tuesdays & Fridays. I think it will work better for me. Mondays have been too hectic at times.
"Oh, she's 22 now and working. She has two little ones."
I cringed. No mention of a husband or father. "Is she . . . married?" I asked hesitantly.
"No, but we're hoping."
This launched a lengthy conversation about unmarrieds with children and the parents--mostly mothers, I suspect--who wish their children who live together and have children would get married.
It seems to be a habit nowadays, to do half the job instead of the whole. As though the couple don't need marriage. It's not a requirement, I guess. They don't need a license to do the baby thing. They can move in together without a marriage license, too. But why do they want to? They've also got the whole process reversed. Whatever happened to the orderly wedding, then sex, then baby thing? I thought it was working pretty well. It did for my generation, for the most part. Their marriages have been lasting better then the newer kind have. The ones I know of have been reading pretty high on the Happiness Scale, as well.
Oh, yeah, I know it's hard to make a marriage work, but there are a lot of fringe benefits that go with it. Like becoming part of two families instead of one. This gives you somebody to talk to who understands when your partner becomes a beast to live with temporarily. There are legal benefits, too, like having an automatic replacement income and home to raise your family, if and when something bad happens to your spouse. Also I suspect, though I haven't been told, that people work harder to make their relationship work if they are committed to it by a marriage license.
What's hardest for me to understand is why they don't marry when the kids come along. Kids need to know whom they belong to. Really. It's no fun to say "My mom lives here and my dad lives there, at least I think that's who my dad is." They also need two parents when the Terrible Twos come along--though on second thought, it's probably the parents who need that the most.
Julie and I decided we ought to start a Mothers Who Are Trying to Get Their Unmarried Kids to Marry Club. I bet we'd have a huge membership. We could make up a list of Arguments to Use that Might Work and a second list of Arguments That Don't Work. We don't need a list of Arguments That Work because those kids have already graduated out. The best argument, of course, is that God ordained marriage and he wants people to do things that way, but that only works if your kids are committed church people, and those kind usually are ineligible or graduate out early.
How are things in your family? Do you have one or more unmarrieds that would qualify you? We can use all the ideas we can get.
A charter member,
Margaret
NOTE: Next week I am changing my post days from Mondays & Thursdays to Tuesdays & Fridays. I think it will work better for me. Mondays have been too hectic at times.
