Love on "The Bachelorette"
Of all the popular programs on TV, one of the stupidest has to be "The Bachelorette" (or its counterpart, "The Bachelor)." The basic assumption--that you can throw a gorgeous young woman in front of a bunch of promising hunky young professional men and expect that, with some social mixing and careful selection, she can find one to fall in love with flies in the face of how romantic love relationships really work.
There are a couple of reasons this won't work. First, falling in love in something that happens to people, not something they plan, work at, and figure out. One can't force the process. They may talk of finding "chemistry" (attraction), but the real thing--genuine romantic love at the deepest level--is not something you look for and try to develop. In other words, relationships are not something you think about, they are all about feelings.
Secondly, contestants are always playing to the show. They cannot be themselves, following their own instincts. Even if they want to or try to, the show comes first. It has to follow its consecutive dramatic path to a foregone conclusion. The one time a guy (in The Bachelor) in all honesty decided not to give the final contestant a proposal because he realized in retrospect that he had stronger feelings for another earlier contestant, he wanted to inform the young woman involved ahead of the final show so she could avoid the shock and embarrassment that a sudden reversal in front of the viewing public would bring. He was not allowed to do so. The rejection had to come on the show itself, to increase the drama. When he followed the show's direction and she was traumatized by the event, he was crucified by the general public for being so cruel. He had wanted to do the honorable thing. It was the show itself that deserved the public's judgment of cruelty. But that didn't happen.
Yet people still watch it. We do like to see romances develop. Romance novels are perennial favorites for readers. But if you do, and I confess I occasionally do, too, keep your viewing in perspective. This is just a show, it's not real life.
Always a romantic,
Margaret
There are a couple of reasons this won't work. First, falling in love in something that happens to people, not something they plan, work at, and figure out. One can't force the process. They may talk of finding "chemistry" (attraction), but the real thing--genuine romantic love at the deepest level--is not something you look for and try to develop. In other words, relationships are not something you think about, they are all about feelings.
Secondly, contestants are always playing to the show. They cannot be themselves, following their own instincts. Even if they want to or try to, the show comes first. It has to follow its consecutive dramatic path to a foregone conclusion. The one time a guy (in The Bachelor) in all honesty decided not to give the final contestant a proposal because he realized in retrospect that he had stronger feelings for another earlier contestant, he wanted to inform the young woman involved ahead of the final show so she could avoid the shock and embarrassment that a sudden reversal in front of the viewing public would bring. He was not allowed to do so. The rejection had to come on the show itself, to increase the drama. When he followed the show's direction and she was traumatized by the event, he was crucified by the general public for being so cruel. He had wanted to do the honorable thing. It was the show itself that deserved the public's judgment of cruelty. But that didn't happen.
Yet people still watch it. We do like to see romances develop. Romance novels are perennial favorites for readers. But if you do, and I confess I occasionally do, too, keep your viewing in perspective. This is just a show, it's not real life.
Always a romantic,
Margaret
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